Round Rock revealed

I’ve come across several people who’ve joked about Californians and New Yorkers moving to Texas, and I’ve even heard a few become quite concerned.

A group in Houston, worried about overcrowding and public safety, has gone so far as to replace the “Hollywood” sign with a warning.

Just kidding. I know that there are still a few spaces left here, so the sign was more for public relations than anything else. Right? Tell people to stop moving here, and what do they do? They want to move here even more.

It makes sense; it really does. What’s not to like about Texas? Or about Kerrville? I mean, we just got a brand new H-E-B. This new store even has like six or seven brands of non-alcoholic beers. IPA beers came out after 1994, and I’ve always wanted to try one. Now I can.

So, I get it: the sign in Hollywood is actually to encourage alcoholics to move to Texas.

My iPhone native weather app has a new icon available. For weather that is forecast to be below freezing with ice or snow, there’s now a little thermometer with a snowflake at the top.

This weekend, I checked the long-range forecast and by this Friday the overnight temperature was supposed to hit 14. But there was no snowflake thermometer. Five minutes ago, apparently after an update to the app: snowflake thermometer. Two minutes ago when I wanted to make sure I was describing this correctly for you: no snowflake thermometer and lows only in the mid 20s.

So I have it figured out. The more I check my phone’s weather app, the warmer it gets and the more likely it is that alcoholic Californians will move to Texas, despite a warnings by the Houstonians.

And, God bless Houston, but it’s no New York City. (New York, that is, under healthy circumstances, which I write with a heavy heart.)

There’s always been a steady stream of Californians and New Yorkers moving back and forth between the coasts’ major cities. Usually for work. And for culture, and for the vibe and so much more. But, in fact, this polarity is also the reason that both LA and New York lack good Tex-Mex, and the closest they get is Pappasito’s Cantina in DFW’s Terminals A and C.

Which is another reason that Houstonians should want Californians to move to Texas, at least for a while. They could be trained in authentic Tex-Mex and then extradited to their state of origin, where they’d be charged with avoiding high taxes. In the meantime, they could all live in Round Rock, which is where they want to be anyway.

Speaking for myself, I’m just glad Kinky Friedman and I got here before the billboards started going up. (I have a “bit” less street cred here than Kinky who, though he was born in Chicago, moved here when young and graduated from Austin High School.)

But one of Texas’s exports — New Yorkers might believe –is the Naked Cowboy.

This guy is real. I and many others have seen him with our own eyes.

Full disclosure requires me to admit that Robert John Burck, the name his mother prefers, was born in Ohio, and in 2012 he ran for president, representing the Tea Party. So: not a Texan.

I have yet to meet someone from here who would be caught dead in their underwear in the snow in Times Square.

Of course, I don’t know many people in Round Rock.

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